Trainers

I saw something the other day while sitting at a truck stop that made me so angry, I had to fight the urge to say something. I was parked about a hundred and fifty feet from where a trainer stood yelling at his trainee. To say that he was being extremely vocal would have been an understatement. This trainer was down right screaming at the poor guy behind the wheel. I found the whole experience to be humiliating and I was but a witness.

If only I could say, I couldn't begin to imagine how that young man must have felt, to be the object of such outright contempt and degradation. If only I could say I had never been subjected to or forced to endure that kind of verbal abuse. But the truth of the matter is, I was forced to endure it. I was once subjected to that and worse.

I am not alone in this. I have heard a hundred horror stories of how trainers abuse the authority they have been given and violate the very trust a company places in them. To be asked to train someone should be considered an honor. A company must think highly of these driver/trainers to place them in such a responsible position. And yet, I see some trainers abusing the power they have been given by tormenting these 'rookies' and ridding themselves of some pent up frustration. Perhaps this is due to the disillusionment of their own hopes or dreams. Perhaps, but ultimately, it doesn't really matter where this need to abuse the trainee comes from. It is abuse and like all abuse, be it physical, mental or verbal, it is cruel and unacceptable.

I wish I had been woman enough to get out of the comfort of my personal safety zone and walk over there to give the trainer a piece of my mind. I would have liked to encourage the young man behind the wheel and to tell him that he didn't have to take the abuse. But to be honest, it really wasn't my place to say anything.

Right or wrong, I meditated on the situation too long and by the time I had psyched myself into going over there, they were pulling out of the truck stop. Chances are, I would have been told to mind my own business and it would have only escalated from there. Ultimately, it is the trainee who would have suffered for my intervention and I realize that now. I once harbored the hope that someone would step in and say something to one of my trainers, but onlookers only averted their gaze and went on their way thinking as I did, it simply wasn't their place to interfere.

But now I am angry and disappointed with myself. Angry because I knew what it was like and said nothing and disappointed in that I didn't even write down the truck number and call the company to complain. In retrospect, I should have done at least that.

I suppose dealing with unpleasant trainers is a part of the whole training experience. But given the opportunity, I would have preferred to learn by patience and understanding more so than by methods which are nothing short of tyranny. In fact, it can be said that I tent to respond with a bad attitude when faced with ridicule and cruelty. This is a difficult job to learn with all of the laws and statutes not to mention the actual handling of the tractor trailer. If you compound the learning procedure by making the trainee a nervous wreck, your only going to frustrate the whole process.

Contrary, to my skill, I did not sail through my training. All of my experience has been hard won and I offer my congratulations to those who found it to be an easy transition. I never did learn anything the easy way and perhaps made things even more difficult than they had to be. But this insight comes after many years of staring through the windshield coupled with hours of analytical meditation.

I guess if you find yourself in a situation where you feel as though the trainer is being abusive, you have two options. You could put up with it as is, or talk to the trainer and see if together you can't come to some sort of understanding. You could also request a different trainer. But this might not be the way to go since there's no way to guarantee you'll get someone better. In fact, it could even get worse. No matter what you chose to do, it is only a temporary situation since you won't be in training forever. Even if, at times, it feels that way.

I was at Little America one day a few years ago working on my novel. Typing away, I hadn't noticed when someone approached my table and stood there watching me for awhile. I have, in truth, had a great many people reading my manuscript over my shoulder as it took shape and had grown accustom to the curiosity of those around me.

But this person was silent for a long time and when I was able, I looked up. Straight into the eyes of a former trainer of mine. He smiled at me and I winced. That was the only way of putting it. I tensed up and waited for him to start screaming at me.

The long and the short of it was this, he said it was good seeing me and I did not say a word. I guess this surprised him because he asked me if I was in training to be rude, or did it come naturally to me. (He was trying to be cute and failing miserably)

I put on my 'I'm going to be nice to this guy's face'. I smiled, offered my howdy's and went back to the book. Uninvited, he sat down across from me and began to say how nice it was running into me and how glad he was that I was still out here. He rambled on for quite a while about his obvious success as a trainer given that I was still out here.

It was at that point, I started to simmer. Who did he think he was taking the credit for all of my hard work and ingenuity? Did he really believe that I was still out here solely because he was such a swell guy? A great humanitarian? A wonderful trainer? In all honesty, this guy was a jerk and I had no reason to believe he had changed much since I knew him.

He humiliated me every chance he got, tried (I don't know how many times) to get me to sleep with him, and otherwise swore, cussed and foamed at the mouth when I didn't respond to his amorous advances. He once told me that he couldn't sleep behind me because "I made his weenie hard". That incidentally, were his words verbatim. He would scream and yell and call me a failure all the while trying to make me cry. Why? Because he wanted to toughen me up. He felt as though it was his job to do this.

But I endured all of this and so much more because I wanted to drive a semi. I never expected it to be easy but I honestly didn't expect people to go out of their way to make it harder than it had to be.

Now he sat across from me asking me to validate his life by telling him he was a good trainer. "I mean, I must've done something right, you are still out here," he reminded me.

"Don't flatter yourself," I said from both barrels. "I'm still out here in spite of your abusive manner not because of it. I drive because I'm good at what I do, not because of any glorious illusions you might harbor about yourself. Your training, if that's what you choose to call it, did nothing for me except piss me off. If you think I've lasted this long simply because of you, then you really are delusional. Your manner of training was humiliating, plain and simple. Congratulate yourself for that." He stood up and called me an ungrateful bitch and walked away.

In retrospect, I suppose I should have handled that differently. I guess I could have been nicer about it, but I wasn't in the mood to be nice to him. He had me fired from the company because he didn't like the way I laughed at his weenie remark.

Having said all of that, let me now set the record straight and offer a heart felt thank you to all of the trainers who do not rely on such tactics in order to train new drivers. Thank you for being so supportive and so incredibly patient with your trainees. You should be commended for taking your job and its responsibility so seriously. You guys are what makes this industry so great.

I know there are gentle and kind hearted trainers out there, because I married one of them. I consider my husband the 'cats meow'. Unfortunately however, Troy wasn't one of my trainers. I could have used a little bit of encouragement in those days. Had he been my trainer, we would never had gotten involved romantically because Troy is the type who would never consider blurring the lines between professional and personal relationships.

I know there are going to be a few people reading this article who are still in the training phase of their career. I would like to welcome you into this industry and say that it is a great way to make a living. If these words mean anything to you then you should know that I have been there myself. All you have to do is stick it out. Just grit your teeth and know that what awaits you is a very adventurous lifestyle. You just have to pay your dues, and this is something everyone who drives a semi knows about.

Everything I went through in the last ten years no matter how painful, was worth it. This industry has given so much to me. Things I would never have had otherwise. Not only do I have a great career, but a wonderful husband and family. In addition to all of this, I now possess a self esteem and a confidence I never had before. And I found my voice out here. You are now reading the fruits of this new enterprise.

To all of the experienced drivers and trainees who are reading this article right now: I would like to take the opportunity to personally thank you for being so good at what you do. Thank you for doing whatever it takes to keep me and the ones I love safe out here on the road. I appreciate you for the job you are doing for this nation. I hope you all have a wonderful week and a great trip.

I for one need to put it back into the wind, so until next month, keep the greasy side down.